My history is not my past.
It is the combination of past and future events, seen through my lens, and I will never be able to tell it completely to anyone. To get the full picture, write all the chapters, is something that is only possible done through others. However, my unique point of view — as the main character in it — will only be viewed if I write my own biography (which I probably never will).
I see a fundamental contradictory issue with the word itself:
“History (derived from Ancient Greek ἱστορία (historía) ‘inquiry; knowledge acquired by investigation’)[1] is the systematic study and documentation of human past.[2][3]” (Wikipedia).
We are taught that “history” is documentation.
Is to register, log, study, learn all facts that happened in that period of time, confirm its veracity, and make a timeline of it. The description of a succession of things that happened are history (facts, truth, with a purpose of education).
Or, if done for entertaiment and not eduaction, it is then a “story“.
What do I make, then, of my own history?
It is facts or is it fiction?
The greek origins of the word, however, can be much more interesting. It considers “history” to be something that you learned, and to learn is to “gain or acquire knowledge of or skill in (something) by study, experience, or being taught“.
An “histôr“, as per the greeks, is a person who is wise.
Who “knows law and right“, who”judges” and who “witness” things and, therefore, has interiorized that information or experience, which has become part of their inner world.
The word “future“, however, has its roots in the Latin origins for growth.
It is not directly associated, etymologically, to neither “past” or “history”. It is only related to time itself, and “what will be or come after the present”.
However, we insist in create our own narratives 1. acknowledging our history (as in a series of events, and not in learnt knowledge) and 2. projecting a future which can fit into a story (as in fiction), that we as agents of our own lines try to write about ourselves, constantly.
My history is a mix of what I have learnt plus what I want to become and grow towards.
It is not a set of facts — but the knowledge I acquire from them, which helps grow and become.
It is not a tale where only one end is possible — but an open possibility.
My history is not a story.
Even though I could hold the pen if I wanted to.
